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oftly�察�after a moment�察 �I do not know the full tale of your adventures。;
I looked down at my padded mountain buskins。 The truth hovered inside me�察�then fell and was drowned in the danger of her knowing all that truth。 ;A long journey。 Bad food。 Dirty inns with sour beds and sticky tables。 That sums it up。 I don't think you really want to hear all the details。;
An odd thing happened。 Our eyes met�察�and I knew she saw my lie。 She nodded slowly�察�accepting the lie as necessary�察�and looked aside。 I wondered how many times my father had told her similar lies。 What did it cost her to nod��
Lacey put the cup of wine into my hand firmly。 I lifted it�察�and the sweet sting of the first sip revived me。 I held it in both hands and managed to smile at Patience over it。 ;Tell me�察─�I began�察�and despite myself�察�my voice quavered like an old man's。 I cleared my throat to steady it。 ;How have you been�拭�I imagine that having a Queen here at Buckkeep has made your life much busier。 Tell me of all I have missed。;
;Oh�察─�she said�察�as if pricked with a pin。 Now it was Patience's turn to look aside。 ;You know what a solitary creature I am。 My health is not always strong。 To stay up late�察�dancing and talking�察�leaves me abed for two days afterward。 No。 I have presented myself to the Queen and sat at table with her a time or two。 But she is young and busy and caught up in her new life。 And I am old and odd�察�and my life is full of my own interests 。。。。;
;Kettricken shares your love of growing things�察─�I ventured。 ;She would probably be most interested´; A sudden tremor rattled my bones and my teeth chattered to stillness。 `。`I am just 。。。 a bit cold。; I excused myself and lifted my wine cup again。 I took a gulp instead of the sip I had intended。 My hands shook and wine sloshed over my chin and down my shirtfront。 I jumped up in dismay and my traitorous hands let go the cup。 It struck the carpet and rolled away�察�leaving a trail of dark wine like blood。 I sat down again abruptly and clasped my arms around myself to try to still my shaking。 ;I am very tired�察─�I attempted。
Lacey came at me with a cloth and dabbed at me until I took it from her。 I wiped my chin and blotted most of the wine from my shirt。 But when I crouched down to mop up what had spilled�察�I almost pitched forward onto my face。
;No�察�Fitz�察�forget the wine。 We can tidy up。 You are tired�察�and half´sick。 Just take yourself up to bed。 e and see me when you've rested。 I've something serious to discuss with you�察�but it will keep another night。 Now off you go�察�boy。 Off to bed。;
I stood�察�grateful for the reprieve�察�and made my cautious courtesies。 Lacey saw me as far as the door�察�and then stood watching after me anxiously as far as the landing。 I tried to walk as if the walls and floors weren't wavering。 I paused at the stairs to give her a small wave�察�and then started up them。 Three steps up and out of her sight�察�I stopped to lean on the wall and catch my breath。 I lifted my hands to shield my eyes from the brilliant candlelight。 Dizziness was washing over me in waves。 When I opened my eyes�察�my vision was wreathed in rainbow fogs。 I closed them tight and pressed my hands to them。
I heard a light step ing down the stairs toward me。 It paused two steps above me。 ;Are you all right�察�sir�拭─�someone asked uncertainly。
;A bit too much to drink�察─�I lied。 Certainly the wine I had dumped over myself made me smell like a drunk。 ;I'll be fine in a moment。;
;Let me help you up the stairs。 A stumble here might be dangerous。; There was starched disapproval in the voice now。 I opened my eyes and peered through my fingers。 Blue skirts。 Of the sensible fabric that all the servants wore。 No doubt she'd had to deal with drunks before。
I shook my head�察�but she ignored that�察�just as I would have in her position。 I felt a strong hand grip my upper arm firmly�察�while her other arm encircled my waist。 ;Let's just get you up the stairs�察─�she encouraged me。 I leaned on her�察�not wanting to�察�and stumbled up to the next landing。
;Thank you�察─�I muttered�察�thinking she would leave me now�察�but she kept her grip。
;Are you sure you belong on this level�拭�The servants' quarters are the next flight up�察�you know。;
I managed a nod。 ;Third door。 If you don't mind。;
She was silent for longer than a moment。 ;That's the Bastard's room。; The words were flung like a cold challenge。
I did not flinch to the words as I would have once。 I did not even lift my head。 ;Yes。 You may go now。; I dismissed her as coldly。
Instead she stepped closer。 She seized my hair�察�jerked my head up to face her。 ;Newboy� ─�she hissed in fury。 ;I should drop you right here。;
I jerked my head up。 I could not make my eyes focus on her eyes�察�but all the same�察�I knew her�察�knew the shape of her face and how her hair fell forward on her shoulders�察�and her scent�察�like a summer afternoon。 Relief crashed over me like a wave。 It was Molly�察�my Molly the candlemaker。 ;You're alive� ─�I cried out。 My heart leaped in me like a hooked fish。 I took her in my arms and kissed her。
At least�察�I attempted to。 She stiff´armed me away�察�saying gruffly�察 �I shall never kiss a drunk。 That's one promise I've made to myself and shall always keep。 Nor be kissed by one。; Her voice was tight。
;I'm not drunk�察�I'm 。。。 sick�察─�I protested。 The surge of excitement had made my head spin more than ever。 I swayed on my feet。 ;It doesn't matter anyway。 You're here and safe。;
She steadied me。 A reflex she had learned taking care of her father。 ;Oh。 I see。 You're not drunk。; Disgust and disbelief mingled in her voice。 ;You're not the scriber's boy�察�either。 Nor a stable hand。 Is lying how you always begin with people�拭�It seems to be how you always end。;
;I didn't lie�察─�I said querulously�察�confused by the anger in her voice。 I wished I could make my eyes meet hers。 ;I just didn't tell you quite 。。。 it's too plicated。 Molly�察�I'm just so glad you're all right。 And here in Buckkeep� �I thought I was going to have to search 。。。; She still gripped me�察�holding me on my feet。 ;I'm not drunk。 Really。 I did lie just now�察�because it was embarrassing to admit how weak I am。;
;And so you lie。; Her voice cut like a whip。 ;You should be more embarrassed to lie�察�Newboy。 Or is lying permitted to a Prince's son�拭�
She let go of me and I sagged against a wall。 I tried to get a grip on my whirling thoughts while keeping my body vertical。 ;I'm not a Prince's son�察─�I said at last。 ;I'm a bastard。 That's different。 And yes�察�that was too embarrassing to admit�察�too。 But I never told you I wasn't the Bastard。 I just always felt�察�when I was with you�察�I was Newboy。 It was nice�察�having a few friends who looked at me and thought�察 �Newboy' instead of `the Bastard。' ;
Molly didn't reply。 Instead she grabbed me�察�much more roughly than before�察�by my shirtfront�察�and hauled me down the hall to my room。 I was amazed at how strong women were when they were angry。 She shouldered the door open as if it were a personal enemy and propelled me toward my bed。 As soon as I was close�察�she let go and I fell against it。 I righted myself and managed to sit down。 By clutching my hands tightly together and gripping them between my knees�察�I could control my trembling。 Molly stood glaring at me。 I couldn't precisely see her。 Her outline was blurred�察�her features a smear�察�but I could tell by the way she stood that she was furious。
After a moment I ventured�察 �I dreamed of you。 While I was gone。;
She still didn't speak。 I felt a bit braver。 ;I dreamed you were at Siltbay。 When it was raided。; My words came out tight with my effort to keep my voice from shaking。 ;I dreamed of fires�察�and Raiders attacking。 In my dream�察�there were two children you had to protect。 It seemed like they were yours。; Her silence held like a wall against my words。 She probably thought I was ten kinds of an idiot�察�babbling about dreams。 And why�察�oh why�察�of all the people in the world who could have seen me so unmanned�察�why did it have to be Molly�拭�The silence had grown long。 ;But you were here�察�at Buckkeep and safe。; I tried to steady my quavering voice。 ;I'm glad you're safe。 But what are you d