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you over。
They all talk。 Nobody listens。 Watch any two of them。 They are
both talking as hard as they can go。 They have been listening quite
enough to other people： you can't expect them to listen to each other。
But the conversation under such conditions must be very trying。
And then they flirt so sweetly！ so idyllicly！
It has been our privilege to see real peasantry flirt； and it has always
struck us as a singularly solid and substantial affairmakes one think；
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somehow； of a steam…roller flirting with a cowbut on the stage it is so
sylph…like。 She has short skirts； and her stockings are so much tidier and
better fitting than these things are in real peasant life； and she is arch and
coy。 She turns away from him and laughssuch a silvery laugh。 And
he is ruddy and curly haired and has on such a beautiful waistcoat！ how
can she help but love him？ And he is so tender and devoted and holds
her by the waist； and she slips round and comes up the other side。 Oh； it
is so bewitching！
The stage peasantry like to do their love…making as much in public as
possible。 Some people fancy a place all to themselves for this sort of
thingwhere nobody else is about。 We ourselves do。 But the stage
peasant is more sociably inclined。 Give him the village green； just
outside the public…house； or the square on market…day to do his spooning
in。
They are very faithful； are stage peasants。 No jilting； no fickleness；
no breach of promise。 If the gentleman in pink walks out with the lady in
blue in the first act； pink and blue will be married in the end。 He sticks to
her all through and she sticks to him。
Girls in yellow may come and go； girls in green may laugh and dance…
…the gentleman in pink heeds them not。 Blue is his color； and he never
leaves it。 He stands beside it； he sits beside it。 He drinks with her； he
smiles with her； he laughs with her； he dances with her； he comes on with
her； he goes off with her。
When the time comes for talking he talks to her and only her； and she
talks to him and only him。 Thus there is no jealousy； no quarreling。 But
we should prefer an occasional change ourselves。
There are no married people in stage villages and no children
（consequently； of course…happy village！ oh； to discover it and spend a
month there！）。 There are just the same number of men as there are
women in all stage villages； and they are all about the same age and each
young man loves some young woman。 But they never marry。
They talk a lot about it； but they never do it。 The artful beggars！
They see too much what it's like among the principals。
The stage peasant is fond of drinking； and when he drinks he likes to
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STAGE…LAND。
let you know he is drinking。 None of your quiet half…pint inside the bar
for him。 He likes to come out in the street and sing about it and do tricks
with it； such as turning it topsy…turvy over his head。
Notwithstanding all this he is moderate； mind you。 You can't say he
takes too much。 One small jug of ale among forty is his usual allowance。
He has a keen sense of humor and is easily amused。 There is
something almost pathetic about the way he goes into convulsions of
laughter over such very small jokes。 How a man like that would enjoy a
real joke！ One day he will perhaps hear a real joke。 Who knows？ It
will； however； probably kill him。 One grows to love the stage peasant
after awhile。 He is so good； so child…like； so unworldly。 He realizes
one's ideal of Christianity。
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STAGE…LAND。
THE GOOD OLD MAN。
He has lost his wife。 But he knows where she isamong the angels！
She isn't all gone； because the heroine has her hair。 〃Ah； you've got
your mother's hair；〃 says the good old man； feeling the girl's head all over
as she kneels beside him。 Then they all wipe away a tear。
The people on the stage think very highly of the good old man； but
they don't encourage him much after the first act。 He generally dies in
the first act。
If he does not seem likely to die they murder him。
He is a most unfortunate old gentleman。 Anything he is mixed up in
seems bound to go wrong。 If he is manager or director of a bank； smash
it goes before even one act is over。 His particular firm is always on the
verge of bankruptcy。 We have only to be told that he has put all his
savings into a companyno matter how sound and promising an affair it
may always have been and may still seemto know that that company is a
〃goner。〃
No power on earth can save it after once the good old man has become
a shareholder。
If we lived in stage…land and were asked to join any financial scheme；
our first question would be：
〃Is the good old man in it？〃 If so； that would decide us。
When the good old man is a trustee for any one he can battle against
adversity much longer。 He is a plucky old fellow； and while that trust
money lasts he keeps a brave heart and fights on boldly。 It is not until he
has spent the last penny of it that he gives way。
It then flashes across the old man's mind that his motives for having
lived in luxury upon that trust money for years may possibly be
misunderstood。 The worldthe hollow； heartless worldwill call it a
swindle and regard him generally as a precious old fraud。
This idea quite troubles the good old man。
But the world really ought not to blame him。 No one； we are sure；
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could be more ready and willing to make amends （when found out）； and to
put matters right he will cheerfully sacrifice his daughter's happiness and
marry her to the villain。
The villain； by the way； has never a penny to bless himself with； and
cannot even pay his own debts； let alone helping anybody else out of a
scrape。 But the good old man does not think of this。
Our own personal theory； based upon a careful comparison of
similarities； is that the good old man is in reality the stage hero grown old。
There is something about the good old man's chuckle…headed simplicity；
about his helpless imbecility； and his irritating damtom foolishness that is
strangely suggestive of the hero。
He is just the sort of old man that we should imagine the hero would
develop into。
We may； of course； be wrong； but that is our idea。
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STAGE…LAND。
THE IRISHMAN。
He says 〃Shure〃 and 〃Bedad〃 and in moments of exultation
〃Beghorra。〃 That i