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Monday night； and it was on the Monday morning that Mr。 Gladwish
made his first trip here as carrier。 I may say I never wyvered from that
moment； and no more did he。 When I think how near I came to
promising the postman it gives me a turn。〃 （I can understand that； for I
once met the man I nearly promised years before to marry； and we both
experienced such a sense of relief at being free instead of bound that we
came near falling in love for sheer joy。）
The last and most important member of the household is the Square
Baby。 His name is Albert Edward； and he is really five years old and no
baby at all； but his appearance on this planet was in the nature of a
complete surprise to all parties concerned； and he is spoiled accordingly。
He has a square head and jaw； square shoulders； square hands and feet。
He is red and white and solid and stolid and slow…witted； as the young of
his class commonly are； and will make a bulwark of the nation in course
of time； I should think； for England has to produce a few thousand such
square babies every year for use in the colonies and in the standing army。
Albert Edward has already a military gait； and when he has acquired a
habit of obedience at all comparable with his power of command； he will
be able to take up the white man's burden with distinguished success。
Meantime I can never look at him without marvelling how the English
climate can transmute bacon and eggs； tea and the solid household loaf
into such radiant roses and lilies as bloom upon his cheeks and lips。
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
CHAPTER III
July 8th。
Thornycroft is by way of being a small poultry farm。
In reaching it from Barbury Green； you take the first left…hand road； go
till you drop； and there you are。
It reminds me of my 〃grandmother's farm at Older。〃 Did you know
the song when you were a child？ …
My grandmother had a very fine farm 'Way down in the fields of
Older。 With a cluck…cluck here； And a cluck…cluck there； Here and there a
cluck…cluck； Cluck…cluck here and there； Down in the fields at Older。
It goes on for ever by the simple subterfuge of changing a few words
in each verse。
My grandmother had a very fine farm 'Way down in the fields of
Older。 With a quack…quack here； And a quack…quack there； Here and there
a quack…quack； Quack…quack here and there； Down in the fields at Older。
This is followed by the gobble…gobble； moo…moo； baa…baa； etc。； as
long as the laureate's imagination and the infant's breath hold good。 The
tune is pretty； and I do not know； or did not； when I was young； a more
fascinating lyric。
Thornycroft House must have belonged to a country gentleman once
upon a time； or to more than one； men who built on a bit here and there
once in a hundred years； until finally we have this charmingly irregular
and dilapidated whole。 You go up three steps into Mrs。 Heaven's room；
down two into mine； while Phoebe's is up in a sort of turret with long；
narrow lattices opening into the creepers。 There are crooked little stair…
cases； passages that branch off into other passages and lead nowhere in
particular； I can't think of a better house in which to play hide and seek on
a wet day。 In front； what was once； doubtless； a green； is cut up into
greens； to wit； a vegetable garden； where the onions； turnips； and potatoes
grow cosily up to the very door…sill； the utilitarian aspect of it all being
varied by some scarlet…runners and a scattering of poppies on either side of
the path。
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
The Belgian hares have their habitation in a corner fifty feet distant；
one large enclosure for poultry lies just outside the sweetbrier hedge； the
others； with all the houses and coops； are in the meadow at the back；
where also our tumbler pigeons are kept。
Phoebe attends to the poultry； it is her department。 Mr。 Heaven has
neither the force nor the finesse required； and the gentle reader who thinks
these qualities unneeded in so humble a calling has only to spend a few
days at Thornycroft to be convinced。 Mrs。 Heaven would be of use； but
she is dressing the Square Baby in the morning and putting him to bed at
night just at the hours when the feathered young things are undergoing the
same operation。
A Goose Girl； like a poet； is sometimes born； sometimes otherwise。 I
am of the born variety。 No training was necessary； I put my head on my
pillow as a complicated product of modern civilisation on a Tuesday night；
and on a Wednesday morning I awoke as a Goose Girl。
My destiny slumbered during the day； but at eight o'clock I heard a
terrific squawking in the direction of the duck…ponds； and； aimlessly
drifting in that direction； I came upon Phoebe trying to induce ducks and
drakes； geese and ganders； to retire for the night。 They have to be driven
into enclosures behind fences of wire netting； fastened into little rat…proof
boxes； or shut into separate coops； so as to be safe from their natural
enemies； the rats and foxes； which； obeying； I suppose； the law of supply
and demand； abound in this neighbourhood。 The old ganders are allowed
their liberty； being of such age； discretion； sagacity； and pugnacity that
they can be trusted to fight their own battles。
The intelligence of hens； though modest； is of such an order that it
prompts them to go to bed at a virtuous hour of their own accord； but
ducks and geese have to be materially assisted； or I believe they would
roam till morning。 Never did small boy detest and resist being carried off
to his nursery as these dullards； young and old； detest and resist being
driven to theirs。 Whether they suffer from insomnia； or nightmare； or
whether they simply prefer the sweet air of liberty （and death） to the odour
of captivity and the coop； I have no means of knowing。
Phoebe stood by one of the duck…ponds； a long pole in her hand； and a
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
helpless expression in that doughlike countenance of hers； where aimless
contours and features unite to make a kind of facial blur。 （What does the
carrier see in it？） The pole was not long enough to reach the ducks； and
Phoebe's method lacked spirit and adroitness； so that it was natural；
perhaps； that they refused to leave the water； the evening being warm； with
an uncommon fine sunset。
I saw the situation at once and ran to meet it with a glow of interest
and anticipation。 If there is anything in the world I enjoy； it is making
somebody do something that he doesn't want to do； and if； when victory
perches upon my banner； the somebody can be brought to say that he
ought to have done it without my making him； that adds